When love is not enough... (Signs you should quit your relationship)

 Ok! Don’t quite know what to title this post but I am pressed to ask? Is love really all that matters?

A lot of the time, I hear people say that the reason they want to marry someone is that they love him or her. Even people who write to me for help in one area of their relationship or the other sometimes amuse me when they claim they love their partners and won’t mind going ahead even if their problems aren’t all solved, because according to them, no one is perfect!

Well, I agree that no one is perfect. Not even me! And I can’t also claim that I know it all when it comes to relationships. But I strongly believe that all human beings are not wired to deal with all kinds of imperfection. For some, dealing with a particular kind of imperfection may be a walkover than dealing with another kind of imperfection. As a married woman, I have come to terms that at certain times, the issue of whether you love your partner does not come into play. So this post is aimed at helping us point out some things that are red alerts even if your love for your partner is 100 %.

IS BECOMING A SIDE CHICK AN OPTION

Women we know are created to receive love. They are often perceived as the weaker vessel. They are to be pampered, treated with great care and handled with knowledge and carefulness as they are perceived to be fragile. The problem with this kind of thinking is that a lot of us are expecting this kind of love from men and at all cost. What they fail to know is that this kind of love doesn’t have to come from a man and that even when it comes, it doesn’t have to come from the wrong person and from the wrong place.

In recent times, due to the hype on the issue of marriage, many matured single women, especially those who feel that they do not have time on their side or those who feel they have one disadvantage or the other (may be physically challenged, not- too- fine- face or figure, widowed, divorced, etc.) have resorted to accepting the position of a Mistress or a Side chick as it is commonly called.

A lot of  women who resort to being mistresses and dating married men say they do it either to make ends meet or to have a man they can call their own. Some claim the men love them while others are in it for the material gain. But the real issues is with their Perception.

5 STUPID LIES I BELIEVED ABOUT LOVE and the truths that set me free

Growing up, I heard so much about love and how beautiful it is to fall in love. My friends all had stories of their escapades with their boyfriends, and I secretly wished that some day, I should be able to fall in love with my '' Prince Charming'' and at least enjoy my life the way I should...Fast forward to my later years, I have discovered both by experience or by learning that like my young friends, I had a lot of misconceptions about love, they were stupid lies!  

If you are like me, you have probably heard these things about love and probably believed them...

1. LOVE IS A MAGICAL FEELING                                                                                              Often times when people fall in love, the experience is often characterized by a surge of romantic feeling with butterflies -in -the  stomach kind of ebb. I thought those where what I needed to identify true love, so I waited for that right person. How wrong I was!  I have since learnt that feelings come and go. They fluctuate and are not long lasting. Besides, feelings are usually dependent on people's  behaviour towards you. when people treat you right, you feel good towards them, but when they  don't,  chances are that you will  feel bad. In relationships, there are times when you feel like this isn't it. you know why? you are both different individuals with different body make up and probably respond to issues differently.  To set yourself free, know that love is not a feeling. It is an action word that depicts what you do. The day you decided to love, you decided to help another become better and this may entail staying with them even when they dont make you feel good. this does not negate the fact that, love is accompanied by feelings, but it surely goes beyond it. Like a philosopher once said, the reason we need love as  humans is because we are not perfect. If we are perfect, we sure do not need love.
2. LOVE IS SOMETHING I CAN'T EXPLAIN                                                                                 Every good thing should be explainable. You don't have to explain to people, but you should have an explanation for it. Sometimes, even when no one asks me, I know I should have an answer to the one - million - dollar question "why do I love this person?" This is to enable me put things in perception. Unfortunately, we are misguided into believing that Love is such a magical thing you cant explain. This has caused untold damage to a lot of young people as we have done a lot of bizarre things in the name of love. we have abandoned our dreams, our lives, our families just because we are in love. This is why I recommend that you keep away from anyone who can't answer your questions about love, they probably don't know what they are doing, and when they know, you might turn out to be the wrong thing. Love is such a beautiful thing you should be able to explain it.
3. OUR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER CONQUERS ALL THINGS                                                  I often hear people say that nothing else matters provided they have love for each other. I also believed that lie until my experience taught me that it is the dumbest thing I have believed in a while.I have watched people live frustrating lives because they chose to ignore glaring warning signs about people they want to marry simply because they love them. (like people who are not genetically incompatible but went ahead and had to live their life struggling with trying to save their offspring from the cold hands of sickle cell anemia). I am one of thos who believe in the tremendous power of love and its ability to conquer issues, but I also advocate that you deal with those issues that need to be dealt with. Face them squarely and ensure that you understand and can handle their practical implications before you make the commitment. For instance, your guy works very late all the time and you know you enjoy spending time with your partner. do not insist  that love is what matters, because the smallest thing if not handled can destroy the relationship. Get real,  ask questions and make sure you understand it all and then decide to deal with them.

This thing called LOVE

The word "LOVE" appears to be in the mind of every person, both young and old, small and great, men and women, boys and girls and even small children. In fact, every time you see someone cry, its usually not unconnected to a love related issue. Its also the reason a lot of people are happy in their lives. Yet no word has been misunderstood in history as the word LOVE.
Everyone seem to have their own definition and what they think love is. Some describe it as feelings of happiness, attraction and affection towards another. Others describe it as that  magical feeling you have when you see someone or something you are attracted to. In all of these, no one seem to really describe in perfection the exact and true meaning of this  beautiful word that has such a magnanimous power. Little wonder a lot of harm has been done and a lot of crimes committed all in the name of love, because as a popular saying goes, when purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable.
 The question that comes to the fore is : How can something as beautiful as Love be the reason some people are in anguish? how can a  young lady or a young guy with so much prospect decide to stay away from relationships because of past experiences with others over matters of Love?  It is against this background that I feel that it is high time we defined this concept as simple and as understandably as possible. This post is therefore dedicated to all those who are in search of the truth, the truth that will set them free and liberate them from the shackles of the lies they have been made to believe. The lie that has stopped their progress over the years and given them reasons to doubt the unquantifiable power of Love.
 I therefore welcome you on board this journey as we seek to explore the concept of love.       
(... to be continued)